My existence does not matter. When I die, I'll be gone forever. In a few billion years, the sun will go supernova, and the entire planet will be consumed. Nothing I do while I'm alive will matter.
So... since it's all going to be space dust anyway... why not make the effort?
I should stop caring if people like what I create. Yeah, I still need to put effort into it, but fear of criticism has kept me from doing anything for these past four years. I've been stuck in an endless loop all this time, everything moving like clockwork. Every day, the exact same pattern. It's like I'm surrounded by robots, and I'm one of them. I could get away, if I tried. But I haven't been trying.
I was spoiled. Hardly anything I did was unsupervised, and I never did any work unless given a directive. I never made my own decisions. Well, I'm tired of being a follower. I'm tired of being enabled by a pair of spineless incompetents. The only way I'm going to fix my life is if I do the fixing myself. I need to put my foot down, because they never did.
I'm dedicating more time and effort into my projects. I'm getting back to work on Fragments, I'm doing more artwork, I'm finally getting started on some of the things I've left on the drawing table.
Don't get me wrong, I don't expect to find success. I expect failure, and lots of it. But I'm going to do it anyway, because I have to. Just to prove to myself that I can. Sure, maybe everything I try will turn out badly. Maybe I should pursue something more mundane. I could get a job at the cinema, or the Wal-Mart. I'll need to work on my people skills first, though. For now, it's Fragments, and DeviantART. For practice.
So the world's gonna screw me left and right. So I will most definitely fail. I've done this before. I think I'm prepared for all that this entails. If I lived my life having never tried at all, I wouldn't be worthy of any name. Maybe I won't do anything that matters to the world. Whatever I do will never matter to the universe. But, what I do will always matter to me. I won't be able to live with myself if I let all these ideas and flights of fancy go to waste, no matter how they turn out.